Too Much/Not Enough (Latex and Time)

I am feeling a little overwhelmed at the minute, with work and remembering all the things I keep on meaning to do. My desk is swamped with lists and bullet pointed ideas about things I could make, but don't have the energy or belief, it would seem, to carry out. I have been asking myself many times over in the last 24 hours, what it is that interests me about Arwenack.... I've had a discussion about it, written down ideas, thought about it, thought about not thinking about it and have done an awful lot of vacant staring (has worked in past), with no illuminating discoveries to show. No one idea has jumped out at me that I feel inclined to follow.

 

One thing which has become more prominent in my thoughts however, is the concept of time. When I found out that Arwenack was once a ropwalk, with workers repeatedly walking the length of it, I began to imagine their journey. I have always found distance and time fascinating; how time passes when walking and how something is at one moment very close, and the next, far away. Perhaps I might try filming myself walking up and down Arwenack and experiment with the footage, observing time and distance (another idea I am already reluctant to do).

 

I think that maybe I am trying very hard for my work to have meaning, but am not entirely comfortable with the new ways of working that I have in mind... and I miss making. I don't want to put all my efforts into video or performance when I'd much rather be sitting and making things with my hands, although I am unsure what materials I can use that have enough connotative value. I've never approached a project with the concept at the forefront of the idea, it is usually the process that leads.

 

So terribly stuck.

 

I began covering my metre of rope in latex today, something I have been putting off for a while. I had a very uncomfortable afternoon in the workshop on account of all the things I usually avoid being present in one, fairly normal, situation. (Asking for help, hanging around, not knowing where things are kept, new processes, latex). I don't like having to ask for help, which has always been a problem. I would have preferred to go home and work with the latex in my own space, where I don't have to rely on other people and where no one is watching me... I think I will do this, it will allow me to experiment properly instead of being scared of doing something wrong. My phobia of latex also did nothing to ease my awkwardness. However, I did discover one thing that interested me, when I spilt latex on the floor and found that it collected debris from the floor as it dried. It would be interesting to do more floor experiments, observing the surface of place again.

I have never used latex before so it was interesting just to play with the material. I was surprised at how strong it is, resisting being pulled apart when I stretched it. I was interested to learn that latex deteriorates under touch, the oils in the skin breaking it down. I am really drawn to this transient quality and the notion of it breaking down over time.